Why am I constantly judging, evaluating, assessing those whom I claim to love the most?
Measuring them against some yardstick that I have unilaterally made and punishing them and in the process myself when they fall short.
Why can I not just love and open myself for receiving love?
Yes our love is not perfect – it is at times possessive, jealous, selfish – but nor are we - we are only human.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Sunday, December 19, 2010
random reflections
How happy my mother would have been to hear my friend telling the prospective groom’s parents that her daughter had never ever made even a cup of tea, in fact she had never stepped into the kitchen for any work; and that the proposal was not turned down on this account – the boy’s father said that they were not unreasonable enough to expect the girl to do household chores after coming back tired from office.
Exceptional, I thought, till I heard the same story from another friend and then another one and another one….all in a matter of just two months. Almost the norm, it seemed.
Couldn’t help remembering how my mother laboured to teach me the essentials of cooking and stitching (lack of this would be reflection on her parenting and I will always be grateful for her persistence because it added to my independence); and her indignance that, when it came to matrimony, she could never ask the boy’s parents about his household skills despite her daughter being as qualified as the boy; my father evading searching questions about my household skills and maintaining a very non committal stand because he hated to lie and the truth could jeopardise my matrimonial prospects!
Back then, household skills in girls were considered essential and often valued more than looks. While putting forth marriage proposals, parents highlighted the (sometimes hugely exaggerated) culinary / tailoring/ embroidery skills of the prospective bride. In matrimonial advertisements this translated into “homely” girl. Very few people may now associate this word with its actual meaning (they wouldn’t use it otherwise) – “not attractive or good-looking, lacking elegance or refinement, of simple or unpretentious nature”.
Attitudes have changed – earlier parents of boys prided themselves on the fact that their son had not even taken a glass of water by himself, now parents of girls were competing on the same issues - their daughter has not lifted a little finger at home, she has never entered the kitchen, cannot thread a needle, make a cup of tea…. and so on.
In this oneup(wo)manship between genders, we seem to have overlooked the necessity of knowing basic cooking, cleaning and sewing. I believe these are not a matter of pride or shame - rather they are survival skills which every individual irrespective of gender needs to know. Shouldn’t we ensure that our children learn how to rustle up a decent meal, keep a clean house and also be able to mend a tear, stitch their buttons or shorten a hemline?
Exceptional, I thought, till I heard the same story from another friend and then another one and another one….all in a matter of just two months. Almost the norm, it seemed.
Couldn’t help remembering how my mother laboured to teach me the essentials of cooking and stitching (lack of this would be reflection on her parenting and I will always be grateful for her persistence because it added to my independence); and her indignance that, when it came to matrimony, she could never ask the boy’s parents about his household skills despite her daughter being as qualified as the boy; my father evading searching questions about my household skills and maintaining a very non committal stand because he hated to lie and the truth could jeopardise my matrimonial prospects!
Back then, household skills in girls were considered essential and often valued more than looks. While putting forth marriage proposals, parents highlighted the (sometimes hugely exaggerated) culinary / tailoring/ embroidery skills of the prospective bride. In matrimonial advertisements this translated into “homely” girl. Very few people may now associate this word with its actual meaning (they wouldn’t use it otherwise) – “not attractive or good-looking, lacking elegance or refinement, of simple or unpretentious nature”.
Attitudes have changed – earlier parents of boys prided themselves on the fact that their son had not even taken a glass of water by himself, now parents of girls were competing on the same issues - their daughter has not lifted a little finger at home, she has never entered the kitchen, cannot thread a needle, make a cup of tea…. and so on.
In this oneup(wo)manship between genders, we seem to have overlooked the necessity of knowing basic cooking, cleaning and sewing. I believe these are not a matter of pride or shame - rather they are survival skills which every individual irrespective of gender needs to know. Shouldn’t we ensure that our children learn how to rustle up a decent meal, keep a clean house and also be able to mend a tear, stitch their buttons or shorten a hemline?
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